I’ve talked before how life in Tripoli is chaotic, draining and unpredictable in the worst way possible. The logical step going forward seems to be to leave and find another place to live. But, is it that simple really?

A lyric that hits deep

If you ever listened to the song: Last man standing. By Rise Against. You would hear a lyric that goes:

There’s a road that I am staring at .. 
A foot on both the brake and gas .. 
And I don’t know how to leave .. 
Or how to stay .. 

The first time I heard this lyric, and I do mean when I just soaked the words and tried to project them on my own situation. It brought tears to my eyes. Because, that’s where I am at in life. I suppose many people feel like they are in the exact same position, and feel like they are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Living out of a back-pack

The idea of picking up and leaving everything behind is a difficult one. Even tho it’s something I had to go through in late 2019 when we were displaced by force. I could only take what I can carry with me, and I guess that summed what’s important to me in life.

Where to go in this wild world?

Where to, is another question. I see a world where hate is on the rise. Xenophobia is at an all time high, where people are less tolerant of Arabs in general and Muslims in specific. A world where inflation is rampant and the gap between the rich and the poor is growing by the day.

I keep thinking, what place would house us? It’s not just me anymore. I have a wife and a baby daughter. And I happen to be close to my parents. They aren’t young anymore and they need my help and support.

A true dilemma

It is a complicated context. Where I struggle to answer the basic questions. The where, the when, the how. I know about the why. But the rest remains as vague as it could gets.

Carrying heavy baggage

There is also the baggage of being Libyan. Libya under the late col Gadafi has a long history of terrorism and violence, and the 14 years after his death did not do much to improve the Libyans image abroad either. I mean just look at America under Trump. Both times he was president he signed an order that would deny Libyans entry to America. Many European countries deny visas to Libyans fearing that they would enter and seek asylum, or stay illegally in the country.

All that, and you’re not a POC?!

Despite all of the violence and chaos. The UN does not consider Libyans as people of concern. Meaning that Libyans do not qualify for refugee status automatically, like many Arab countries. The idea has crossed my mind too many times to count.

Final words

I hope Libya becomes a stable country. Where human dignity is respected. I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my days here. Despite the hot summer days, the blackouts, the lack of money in the banks. If I feel safe here, I would probably stay and not think about leaving. But then I think of my child. She deserves to live a better life than the one I’ve lived. With it’s ups and downs. Will I be able to provide her with such?